“We were talking to my wife on the phone,” a narrator begins in “The Best of New Year ’16.”
“I’ve been thinking about the story you wrote about a man who got caught masturbating while riding in his motorcycle on New Year’ Eve.”
The narrator is in the same room, next to a woman in her 60s who’s been hearing this story since her first visit to a hospital in the mid-1990s.
She’s been married since 1972, has two young children, and spends her days writing and listening to audiobooks.
She says the narrator’s voice is comforting.
“She’s like my mother.
She keeps me company.”
The story is a story of a man, a man in a motorcycle, masturbating, and his wife, who’s a nurse, is horrified by his behavior.
The narrator is trying to convey that a husband can’t be trusted.
“I know how you feel.
That’s why I’m going to make you happy.
The story of my life.
It’s my story.”
The narration is the first line of the story.
The next two lines tell the story of what happened, what happened with the wife, what the narrator thinks of the husband’s behavior, what he did to get away with it, and what he hopes to do to change his behavior (the narrator says that this is the only way he can “change his wife.”)
The narrator tells her story with great care.
He describes his marriage to a beautiful woman, the relationship he built over decades, and how he was finally able to make the right choices for his marriage.
The narration then switches to the man’s wife, the woman he was with on New Years Eve, and the story he wants to tell.
The husband, in the third line, says, “I’ll never be able to tell you how happy I am for this story.”
As the narrator goes on, he tells a story about a woman he knew in college, a woman who was “the only woman in the house.”
He was “a little bit drunk” that night and was not in control of his actions, but he didn’t stop, he says.
“He was the only woman who got off on masturbating.
She was always so good to me.”
He says she was “so nice, so patient.
I just couldn’t handle it.”
The narrator tells the story about how the wife had “made me so horny, that I wanted to do anything to get off.
I mean, I’m still the guy in the story, but she was in my head, right?”
The narrator says he had sex with the woman, and after it happened, “she said she was going to take me home to be with her husband.
I said, I have to go, I can’t do this.”
He says he “made her feel so bad.”
The narration says he said, “You’re the one who should be punished, but you are not punished.”
He then goes on to tell the woman that she “deserved it.”
It’s a powerful message that the narrator wants the woman to think about.
The narrator also describes the way he’s going to change the woman.
“What I want you to do is to make me feel sorry for myself.
To think about how bad I should be for doing this, and I’m doing it to myself.”
The first part of the narrator is telling a story, and it’s a story he wanted to tell, but the narrator has trouble coming up with a story to tell that would make sense to the woman (the woman he’s been with for decades).
He says, The way I see it, the problem with this story is that it’s not about a guy who masturbated, it’s about a story.
“It’s a piece of me that I’m telling to you.
A piece of the woman who I’ve been with.”
The second part of his story, “The story you told me,” is telling the woman about the man she loved as a kid, a boy who had his first orgasm while riding a motorcycle in his bedroom.
The woman doesn’t know how the story ended, but knows it ended in a woman-on-the-top position.
“But that was just one of those nights,” the narrator says.
The woman doesn “get” that the man “had a woman inside of him” and that he’s not just an individual with an orgasm, but a part of a family.
“That’s what the story told me, and that’s what I felt.
But I felt sorry for him.
The other day I was having sex with my wife, and she was crying.
And I said to myself, I don’t know what happened that night.
I think the story was the wrong story to make her feel bad.”
The woman responds, “Well, I’ve always had a wife.